The day started off as any other. 6:30 time to nurse, eat breakfast, and start the day. We conquered a typical refusal of whole milk and were actually on time to Little Gym. But just as the dreary day soaked the world outside, our good start quickly drowned in a river of whining, frustration, and stubbornness.
Lunch continued in tears over spaghetti squash and avocado and ended in the sacrifice of half my meal. In a moment of weakness, I posted to Facebook that I wished my child could speak so he could do something other than cry. As I should have anticipated, a well-meaning family member commented that one day when he can speak, I'll wish he couldn't.
I know she meant no harm and was trying to lighten the mood, but comments like this really drive me crazy - crazier on days when survival is my one goal. Was I encouraged by her statement? Not at all. As a matter of fact, it only frustrated me more.
Why are well-meaning people always reminding us of how it could be worse or, my favorite, how it one day will be worse? Does one-upping really help?
When you tell a pregnant woman to "get sleep while she can" does that open some magic savings account where she can withdraw sleep after she gives birth? Does telling a sleep-deprived mom to enjoy her babies needing her all night make yet another feeding session at 3 am suddenly turn into a warm and fuzzy, black and white Pampers commercial?
Whatever happened to real empathy? Whatever happened to comments like "I know these are hard times. How can I relieve some stress"?
Can we stop one-upping one another and start offering real help?
Realistically, we all know it could be and is worse for other people but more darkness does not lead to light in the trenches. Only light can lead to more light. Only positivity can lead to more positivity.
So let's stop offering passive opinions and start actually lifting up our fellow mom with an encouraging word and not a glum glimpse into an even more frustrating future.
And all new mamas said "Amen"!
11.05.2013
10.08.2013
365
Two weeks ago my little guy turned one. ONE!
How did this happen?! Where did the time go?! I will never know. But one thing I do know, mommy-hood has taught me SO much. Since I'm too lazy to think of 365 lessons, I will stick with 12.
Here is my top 12 lists of lessons I have learned in my first year of being a mom. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
12. I am selfish. So incredibly selfish. I thought I learned this from marriage and I did, but only slightly. Mommy-hood has taught me JUST how selfish I am, and it's a embarrassing. Sometimes my selfishness makes me shutter. Sometimes my selfishness is so ugly, I can't even face it.
11. Life is precious. Sometimes this lesson is overwhelming, other days it's not even a thought in my mind. The creation of life is astounding. The length of life is short. The strength of life is fragile. We can either build a life or tear it down, just by the words we say (or don't say).
10. I am an emotional person. This has not always been true. I used to make fun of my mom for being overly emotional...well...thanks to a little someone named Elijah, I am now a big bag of emotions. Anything like a movie or even commercial involving children (especially this darn Carter's commercial) and the tears pour like I'm watering a garden.
9. Being a mom is hard work. It demands discipline, energy, time, patience, and GRACE, so much grace!
8. Being a mom is a lot of fun. The goofier I am and the more fun I have, the more fun my son has, the more we bond.
7. Sometimes, the dishes, laundry, dust bunnies, etc. can wait. Sometimes...they can't.
6. A consistent bedtime is important for everyone, but not as important as extended snuggles, prayer/worship time, and kisses.
5. When people tell you that you "just have to experience it" when it comes to loving a child, just trust them. Loving a child trumps all other types of love. No one can ever explain how different it is from every other love in your life. You really just have to experience it.
4. Rough days/weeks happen, but it's usually nothing a glass of wine, some chocolate, and some sleep (even just a few hours) can't fix. You have to keep moving through those days and, eventually, you won't even remember what it felt like to be in the trenches.
3. Being a nag is exhausting and no fun! Postpartum me was like super serious and slightly crazy (although Rob might replace "slightly" with "very"). Sometimes that crazy lady creeps out but once I relax and stop being such a nag I find freedom to enjoy my family. A perfect schedule does not always equal a perfect day.
2. "Mom" is the most rewarding title I've ever had. Being a godly, uplifting wife is a great title, but it doesn't hold a candle to the "Mom" title.
1. God's love is infinitely stronger than I ever though possible. I never realized the strength of God's love for His children and the magnitude of His grace and patience until I had a child of my own, and I still don't fully get it. If I, a wretched sinner, can love E as much as I do, how much greater is the Father's love for me.
I have fully enjoyed the first year of my sweet boy's life and I am so looking forward to the rest of his years. Every day with him is exciting and he continues to get more and more fun. I am completely in love with being his mom, even through the tough times.
How did this happen?! Where did the time go?! I will never know. But one thing I do know, mommy-hood has taught me SO much. Since I'm too lazy to think of 365 lessons, I will stick with 12.
Here is my top 12 lists of lessons I have learned in my first year of being a mom. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
12. I am selfish. So incredibly selfish. I thought I learned this from marriage and I did, but only slightly. Mommy-hood has taught me JUST how selfish I am, and it's a embarrassing. Sometimes my selfishness makes me shutter. Sometimes my selfishness is so ugly, I can't even face it.
11. Life is precious. Sometimes this lesson is overwhelming, other days it's not even a thought in my mind. The creation of life is astounding. The length of life is short. The strength of life is fragile. We can either build a life or tear it down, just by the words we say (or don't say).
10. I am an emotional person. This has not always been true. I used to make fun of my mom for being overly emotional...well...thanks to a little someone named Elijah, I am now a big bag of emotions. Anything like a movie or even commercial involving children (especially this darn Carter's commercial) and the tears pour like I'm watering a garden.
9. Being a mom is hard work. It demands discipline, energy, time, patience, and GRACE, so much grace!
8. Being a mom is a lot of fun. The goofier I am and the more fun I have, the more fun my son has, the more we bond.
7. Sometimes, the dishes, laundry, dust bunnies, etc. can wait. Sometimes...they can't.
6. A consistent bedtime is important for everyone, but not as important as extended snuggles, prayer/worship time, and kisses.
5. When people tell you that you "just have to experience it" when it comes to loving a child, just trust them. Loving a child trumps all other types of love. No one can ever explain how different it is from every other love in your life. You really just have to experience it.
4. Rough days/weeks happen, but it's usually nothing a glass of wine, some chocolate, and some sleep (even just a few hours) can't fix. You have to keep moving through those days and, eventually, you won't even remember what it felt like to be in the trenches.
3. Being a nag is exhausting and no fun! Postpartum me was like super serious and slightly crazy (although Rob might replace "slightly" with "very"). Sometimes that crazy lady creeps out but once I relax and stop being such a nag I find freedom to enjoy my family. A perfect schedule does not always equal a perfect day.
2. "Mom" is the most rewarding title I've ever had. Being a godly, uplifting wife is a great title, but it doesn't hold a candle to the "Mom" title.
1. God's love is infinitely stronger than I ever though possible. I never realized the strength of God's love for His children and the magnitude of His grace and patience until I had a child of my own, and I still don't fully get it. If I, a wretched sinner, can love E as much as I do, how much greater is the Father's love for me.
I have fully enjoyed the first year of my sweet boy's life and I am so looking forward to the rest of his years. Every day with him is exciting and he continues to get more and more fun. I am completely in love with being his mom, even through the tough times.
9.26.2013
Balance: A rarity
When I reflect on today, the word "Balanced" comes to mind. It's been a long time since I've felt balance in my day, so when I feel it, I like to bask in it.The day didn't start off feeling very balanced - we slept in, Elijah ate half of a banana before I realized he hadn't nursed yet, etc. But as we got moving, everything just sort of fell into place.
No, it wasn't a perfectly laid out day and yes I still have housework to do, but I did all the things I set out to do. For me my accomplishments consist of spending time alone with The Lord, spreading His truth and love to others, loving and caring for my family, and sprinkling in some Mary Kay along the way.
I put away the mound of laundry accumulated over the weekend (and possibly the previous week), played with my sweet son, and laid down for a nap. While he slept, I, in perfect timing, got my beauty on and listened to some wonderfully powerful Mary Kay presentations. We ate a balanced lunch of sushi (for me) and turkey meat (for E) and proceeding on to a play date.
I was really very excited about this play date. The mom and baby go to The Little Gym with us and her son is one month younger than Elijah. I was also excited because until today I was uncertain of her belief/relationship with God the Father. At the play date she revealed that she wasn't involved in any religion because she doesn't like that religions make you believe "one type of thing". She doesn't want to be told what to believe. I shared with her my heart and we also discussed her misunderstanding of the difference in the Old and New Testament God (hello last post!). She seems open but I think it will take some time. Anyway, a relationship has begun and I look forward to our next play date/MK facial next Thursday.
No, it wasn't a perfectly laid out day and yes I still have housework to do, but I did all the things I set out to do. For me my accomplishments consist of spending time alone with The Lord, spreading His truth and love to others, loving and caring for my family, and sprinkling in some Mary Kay along the way.
How do you seek and find balance in your daily life? What does balance look like to you? Please share your thoughts. I'd love to hear them.
9.01.2013
How Can I Give You Up?
Often times I have found myself divorcing the God of the Old Testament from the God in the New Testament. That Old Testament God is just so wrathful and angry. I'd rather worship that New Testament God who sent Jesus to save and love us.
I suppose this wrong thinking comes from a lack of knowledge on God in the Old Testament. Unfortunately, I don't believe I am alone. As a matter of fact, I believe this is a common practice of the church today. We focus most, if not all, of our attention on New Testament salvation and we completely overlook God's Grace in the Old Testament.
In case you've never read the OT, it is essentially the story of Israel, time after time, turning from God (Yahweh) and turning to other gods. Not only that, but it is also the story of God relentlessly calling them back to himself. He allowed them to make their mistakes, he allowed them to chase after their own gods (even when the god of choice was a golden calf), but when they came back to him, he lovingly welcomed them every time.
Ironically for the last few weeks, I have been reading a study on the book of Hosea. I say "ironically" because it has taken me almost a month to finish a two week study due to my non-commitment to the Lord. I have been so much like Israel stumbling through this study.
Instead of daily spending time with The Lord, I squandered precious alone time for mindless television and lazy naps. I can't imagine God's frustration with me when I knowingly dismissed his beckoning, "Come, spend time in my presence. See my heart and show me yours".
I'll admit, Hosea was difficult to read. God got really angry with Israel and honestly, I got really mad at them too; mostly because reading Israel's betrayals and shortcomings was eerily like reading the story on my own life. I feel confident in saying you could replace "Israel" with "Caitlin Wiggins".
My stomach churned until I got to chapter 11.
v. 7-9: "My people are bent on turning away from me... (but) How can I give you up, O Ephraim? How can I hand you over, O Israel? How can I make you like Admah? How can I treat you like Zeboiim? My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender. I will not execute my burning anger. I will not again destroy Ephraim; for I am God and not a man, the Holy One in your midst, and I will not come in wrath." (emphasis mine)
"How can I give you up?"
Wow! Not only could he not give Israel up, but it hurt his heart at the thought of giving them up. Oh Praise you, God of Jacob!
Creator God does get angry when His children repeatedly and knowingly go against His statutes. For good reason. He created us to bring Him honor and we can't bring Him honor when we live our lives in direct opposition to Him. When He watches us minimize Him and live according to our selfish desires, He feels anger and disappointment; the same way a human parent feels anger and disappointment when their children disobey their instruction.
However, God loves us so much that, even when we deliberately disobey his commandments, he does not blot us out of existence. He can't give His children up because we are His creation and he longs to have a relationship with us.
So "Praise The Lord all nations! Extol him all people! For His steadfast love toward us and the faithfulness of The Lord endures forever! Praise The Lord!" {Psalm 117:1-2}
I suppose this wrong thinking comes from a lack of knowledge on God in the Old Testament. Unfortunately, I don't believe I am alone. As a matter of fact, I believe this is a common practice of the church today. We focus most, if not all, of our attention on New Testament salvation and we completely overlook God's Grace in the Old Testament.
In case you've never read the OT, it is essentially the story of Israel, time after time, turning from God (Yahweh) and turning to other gods. Not only that, but it is also the story of God relentlessly calling them back to himself. He allowed them to make their mistakes, he allowed them to chase after their own gods (even when the god of choice was a golden calf), but when they came back to him, he lovingly welcomed them every time.
Ironically for the last few weeks, I have been reading a study on the book of Hosea. I say "ironically" because it has taken me almost a month to finish a two week study due to my non-commitment to the Lord. I have been so much like Israel stumbling through this study.
Instead of daily spending time with The Lord, I squandered precious alone time for mindless television and lazy naps. I can't imagine God's frustration with me when I knowingly dismissed his beckoning, "Come, spend time in my presence. See my heart and show me yours".
I'll admit, Hosea was difficult to read. God got really angry with Israel and honestly, I got really mad at them too; mostly because reading Israel's betrayals and shortcomings was eerily like reading the story on my own life. I feel confident in saying you could replace "Israel" with "Caitlin Wiggins".
My stomach churned until I got to chapter 11.
v. 7-9: "My people are bent on turning away from me... (but) How can I give you up, O Ephraim? How can I hand you over, O Israel? How can I make you like Admah? How can I treat you like Zeboiim? My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender. I will not execute my burning anger. I will not again destroy Ephraim; for I am God and not a man, the Holy One in your midst, and I will not come in wrath." (emphasis mine)
"How can I give you up?"
Wow! Not only could he not give Israel up, but it hurt his heart at the thought of giving them up. Oh Praise you, God of Jacob!
Creator God does get angry when His children repeatedly and knowingly go against His statutes. For good reason. He created us to bring Him honor and we can't bring Him honor when we live our lives in direct opposition to Him. When He watches us minimize Him and live according to our selfish desires, He feels anger and disappointment; the same way a human parent feels anger and disappointment when their children disobey their instruction.
However, God loves us so much that, even when we deliberately disobey his commandments, he does not blot us out of existence. He can't give His children up because we are His creation and he longs to have a relationship with us.
So "Praise The Lord all nations! Extol him all people! For His steadfast love toward us and the faithfulness of The Lord endures forever! Praise The Lord!" {Psalm 117:1-2}
8.21.2013
My Two Cents....for what it's worth
If you are from Birmingham, AL, you know who Matt Pitt is and what is going on with him. If you're not, he is a "Youth Leader" for an organization (for lack of a better term) called "The Basement". And it is about as creepy as it sounds. If you want to know what is going on click here.
This organization started when I was in high school and it was all the rave to {some of} my friends and the dealings of satan to my other friends. I was caught somewhere in between. I remember visiting when it was still in the Pitt's basement and then a couple more times when it was at a church before it was an auditorium-sized ordeal. I went 3 times because I just wanted to be sure what I was feeling was real.
Here's a little recap of how one of my visits went. Upon arrival I was greeted with the most "in your face" people I've ever experienced. I'm not easily overwhelmed but this made me want to crawl in a dark hole and never speak again. It was that over the top. After the meet-and-greet, we all crammed into a tiny building and sang songs and listened to Matt's message. The "message" consisted of Matt pacing the stage, Bible in hand, telling of how God redeemed his life, telling about stories in the Bible where God redeemed lives, but never actually reading those stories. He quoted a couple scripture (probably out of context) but never opened his Bible. That, to me, felt strange. It's not really a "Bible" study if you don't study the Bible - quoting doesn't count.
Worship was also interesting, but that's for another blog (or not).
Afterward was when things got r e a l weird!
I was standing out front with some friends of mine, when we were approached by some of the "leaders" asking if we wanted to go pray. Well of course we did! Who doesn't love a good old fashioned prayer time? Well, I don't know what exactly happened, but this was no prayer meeting I'd ever been to.
We all circled up and maybe joined hands, maybe we didn't. I'm fuzzy on all the deets, but we definitely circled up. Everyone {but my friends and I} started praying at one time - nothing wrong with this, I had just never done it before. Then a couple of guys walked from one person to the other, asked a question, laid a hand on them, and the person receiving prayer fell to the ground.
W H A A A A A A A T ? ! ? ! ? !
In case you haven't figured it out yet, I am a Southern Baptist girl and have been since my Christian walk began at age 9. Don't nobody "fall out" in the Southern Baptist church.
The guys got to me and my heart just about shot out of my throat. One guy asked me "What do you want to do?" Um I want to haul A outta here but looks like that's no longer an option. "What do you mean, 'what do I want to do?" I ask. "What do you want to do?"........"uh...sing?" He prayed some prayer over me, I was oblivious to what he was saying, too distracted by the pressure being applied to the top of my head....are you trying to push me down? I just stared at the guy with his hand on my head. I wasn't about to go down. I don't even know what this whole falling down business means. They moved on and I gathered my things so my exit could be swift and unhindered.
I have never been a fan of The Basement and the previous story is why. I have never felt that it was a true Bible study or that the {real} Gospel was spread there. I have only ever heard "inspirational" stories to get you revved up.
With all that said, I believe that many a soul has been led away from the real Gospel and away from God's truth because of The Basement and other "ministries" alike. I believe that a lot (not all but a lot) of Basement names are missing from the Book of Life. I also believe that a lot of Sunday School names are missing from the Book of Life. When you put your faith in man and not in God, you DO NOT inherit the Gift of Life. When you put your faith in the things of this world and not in God, you DO NOT inherit the Gift of Life.
I cannot say whether or not Matt Pitt is a Christian and neither can you. I can say that his actions point away from those of a Follower of Christ. I pray that he and The Lord will work out whatever is going on. I pray that he will seek Christ in his ministry and that "his people" would be God's people. Lastly, I pray that we will stop bashing Matt Pitt and start lifting him up in serious prayer.
Matthew 7:15-23
Colossians 3:12-14
Titus 1
1 Corithians 1:11-13
This organization started when I was in high school and it was all the rave to {some of} my friends and the dealings of satan to my other friends. I was caught somewhere in between. I remember visiting when it was still in the Pitt's basement and then a couple more times when it was at a church before it was an auditorium-sized ordeal. I went 3 times because I just wanted to be sure what I was feeling was real.
Here's a little recap of how one of my visits went. Upon arrival I was greeted with the most "in your face" people I've ever experienced. I'm not easily overwhelmed but this made me want to crawl in a dark hole and never speak again. It was that over the top. After the meet-and-greet, we all crammed into a tiny building and sang songs and listened to Matt's message. The "message" consisted of Matt pacing the stage, Bible in hand, telling of how God redeemed his life, telling about stories in the Bible where God redeemed lives, but never actually reading those stories. He quoted a couple scripture (probably out of context) but never opened his Bible. That, to me, felt strange. It's not really a "Bible" study if you don't study the Bible - quoting doesn't count.
Worship was also interesting, but that's for another blog (or not).
Afterward was when things got r e a l weird!
I was standing out front with some friends of mine, when we were approached by some of the "leaders" asking if we wanted to go pray. Well of course we did! Who doesn't love a good old fashioned prayer time? Well, I don't know what exactly happened, but this was no prayer meeting I'd ever been to.
We all circled up and maybe joined hands, maybe we didn't. I'm fuzzy on all the deets, but we definitely circled up. Everyone {but my friends and I} started praying at one time - nothing wrong with this, I had just never done it before. Then a couple of guys walked from one person to the other, asked a question, laid a hand on them, and the person receiving prayer fell to the ground.
W H A A A A A A A T ? ! ? ! ? !
In case you haven't figured it out yet, I am a Southern Baptist girl and have been since my Christian walk began at age 9. Don't nobody "fall out" in the Southern Baptist church.
The guys got to me and my heart just about shot out of my throat. One guy asked me "What do you want to do?" Um I want to haul A outta here but looks like that's no longer an option. "What do you mean, 'what do I want to do?" I ask. "What do you want to do?"........"uh...sing?" He prayed some prayer over me, I was oblivious to what he was saying, too distracted by the pressure being applied to the top of my head....are you trying to push me down? I just stared at the guy with his hand on my head. I wasn't about to go down. I don't even know what this whole falling down business means. They moved on and I gathered my things so my exit could be swift and unhindered.
I have never been a fan of The Basement and the previous story is why. I have never felt that it was a true Bible study or that the {real} Gospel was spread there. I have only ever heard "inspirational" stories to get you revved up.
With all that said, I believe that many a soul has been led away from the real Gospel and away from God's truth because of The Basement and other "ministries" alike. I believe that a lot (not all but a lot) of Basement names are missing from the Book of Life. I also believe that a lot of Sunday School names are missing from the Book of Life. When you put your faith in man and not in God, you DO NOT inherit the Gift of Life. When you put your faith in the things of this world and not in God, you DO NOT inherit the Gift of Life.
I cannot say whether or not Matt Pitt is a Christian and neither can you. I can say that his actions point away from those of a Follower of Christ. I pray that he and The Lord will work out whatever is going on. I pray that he will seek Christ in his ministry and that "his people" would be God's people. Lastly, I pray that we will stop bashing Matt Pitt and start lifting him up in serious prayer.
Matthew 7:15-23
Colossians 3:12-14
Titus 1
1 Corithians 1:11-13
8.13.2013
Mushy Mushy Mush Mush
I recently got a friend request from an old boyfriend (like 10th grade old). Getting this request really sent me back in time. Not in a "I miss my old life" kind of way but rather a "Wow how different life would be had God not granted me this wonderful man that I call husband" kind of way.
Ashamedly, I dated a decent bit in high school. I say ashamedly not because I dated a bunch of hellion guys who took advantage of me or whatever (not that I always dated the best guys either). I say ashamedly because, unless we were ready to make the marriage covenant, it was pointless to waste our time and emotional energy on each other.
When I look back at old relationships, I am nothing but more thankful, grateful, and in awe of how magnificent and omniscient our Father in Heaven is. He knew exactly the man who would bring me to the throne room of God; who would honor and love me more than himself; who would be an incredible father and provider for our family.
Thank you, Lord, for bringing this man into my life. Thank you for continually molding me into the wife you want me to be. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Ashamedly, I dated a decent bit in high school. I say ashamedly not because I dated a bunch of hellion guys who took advantage of me or whatever (not that I always dated the best guys either). I say ashamedly because, unless we were ready to make the marriage covenant, it was pointless to waste our time and emotional energy on each other.
When I look back at old relationships, I am nothing but more thankful, grateful, and in awe of how magnificent and omniscient our Father in Heaven is. He knew exactly the man who would bring me to the throne room of God; who would honor and love me more than himself; who would be an incredible father and provider for our family.
Thank you, Lord, for bringing this man into my life. Thank you for continually molding me into the wife you want me to be. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."
James 1:17
8.02.2013
Have you commanded the morning since your days began and caused the dawn to know its place?
You know when you're feeling down and someone randomly asks if everything is alright causing you to burst into tears? Well, that happened to me last night, sort of.
I was in a weird mood and wanted a change to Rob's and my evening routine, which typically consists of a show or movie. What I truly wanted was Rob's attention - specifically, his encouragement. So, We turned off the TV and started talking. Then Rob said one encouraging thing, not knowing what was going on, and invited a flood of tears to rush out. With that, I confessed what was really bothering me.
Since giving birth, my number one struggle has been comparison. I compare everything these days. My body. Date nights. My child's weight, height, abilities, temperament, and, yes, even nap schedule. You name it, I compare it. {Sorry}
My precious child is 10.5 months old and the only word he says is "da-da"and as of yesterday he signs "more". He babbles like crazy, but no other words. According to Facebook, he is behind. According to the enemy in my ear, I am a failure.
Those of you who know me know that I have zero problem with social media. I love it. I have Facebook, Instagram, and obviously this blog (no twitter, because my life isn't that exciting) and I visit them regularly. However, social media feeds my comparison monster.
Every time I read on Facebook about another child his age (or younger) who's saying 5+ words, I feel a sharp jab in my heart. How are these babies saying "puppy", "bite", etc. and mine is crawling around on repeat? And yes, I know he's a boy and boys talk later, blah, blah, blah -- Unfortunately, most of these kids are boys!
It's always annoying to me that once one little insecurity pops up, it seems to invite a whole new slew of shortcomings and failures.
I don't work. My one job is to teach my son, help him flourish, explore, and grow into a self-sufficient, {speaking} young man. If I can't succeed at being a stay-at-home mom, what can I do? Because of course, being a stay-at-home mom is the lowest of occupations.
When I was finished crying and whining about my insecurities, Rob recanted how meaningful it was for him to grow up with a stay-at-home mom. 25-years-old and he is still positively affected by his mom doing daily life with him as a child. He reminded me the importance of me staying home and expressed his gratefulness for what I do. He also reminded me that, while I do need to challenge E's mind, his developmental timeline is 100% in God's sovereign hands.
Later, we read Job 38-42 together. Wow, what a humbling reminder of how tiny we are and how mighty our God is! I immediately felt repentant for doubting God's plan for my child and for questioning His calling on my life as a mother.
It's times like these, when I'm feeling weighted down and worthless, that I am thankful for a husband with a wealth of Godly knowledge who can bring me back to the Cross.
I was in a weird mood and wanted a change to Rob's and my evening routine, which typically consists of a show or movie. What I truly wanted was Rob's attention - specifically, his encouragement. So, We turned off the TV and started talking. Then Rob said one encouraging thing, not knowing what was going on, and invited a flood of tears to rush out. With that, I confessed what was really bothering me.
Since giving birth, my number one struggle has been comparison. I compare everything these days. My body. Date nights. My child's weight, height, abilities, temperament, and, yes, even nap schedule. You name it, I compare it. {Sorry}
My precious child is 10.5 months old and the only word he says is "da-da"and as of yesterday he signs "more". He babbles like crazy, but no other words. According to Facebook, he is behind. According to the enemy in my ear, I am a failure.
Those of you who know me know that I have zero problem with social media. I love it. I have Facebook, Instagram, and obviously this blog (no twitter, because my life isn't that exciting) and I visit them regularly. However, social media feeds my comparison monster.
Every time I read on Facebook about another child his age (or younger) who's saying 5+ words, I feel a sharp jab in my heart. How are these babies saying "puppy", "bite", etc. and mine is crawling around on repeat? And yes, I know he's a boy and boys talk later, blah, blah, blah -- Unfortunately, most of these kids are boys!
It's always annoying to me that once one little insecurity pops up, it seems to invite a whole new slew of shortcomings and failures.
I don't work. My one job is to teach my son, help him flourish, explore, and grow into a self-sufficient, {speaking} young man. If I can't succeed at being a stay-at-home mom, what can I do? Because of course, being a stay-at-home mom is the lowest of occupations.
When I was finished crying and whining about my insecurities, Rob recanted how meaningful it was for him to grow up with a stay-at-home mom. 25-years-old and he is still positively affected by his mom doing daily life with him as a child. He reminded me the importance of me staying home and expressed his gratefulness for what I do. He also reminded me that, while I do need to challenge E's mind, his developmental timeline is 100% in God's sovereign hands.
Later, we read Job 38-42 together. Wow, what a humbling reminder of how tiny we are and how mighty our God is! I immediately felt repentant for doubting God's plan for my child and for questioning His calling on my life as a mother.
It's times like these, when I'm feeling weighted down and worthless, that I am thankful for a husband with a wealth of Godly knowledge who can bring me back to the Cross.
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
-Theodore Roosevelt
7.12.2013
Treasures in Heaven
Over the last few months, I have been battling this nagging, antsy feeling. In attempt to deal with or rather "mask" this feeling, I have poured myself into several different obsessions, if you will.
Next Current obsession, having or adopting a baby/child. When E was first born, every mom-friend, and I do mean every one of them, told me that when he turned 6 months I would catch the fever. The baby fever. "Y'all be cray-cray!" My ungodly short torso made the last trimester the most miserable time of my life. 6 months came, and still no baby fever. Then he started crawling. Fever. He started pulling up. Double fever. I am convinced that baby fever is the most difficult feeling to contend with. Multiplying is {most} women's greatest desire - I know it has become mine. So, how do you tell your greatest desire to chill and wait? No really, how?
First obsession, buying a house. If any of you really know myself or Rob, this obsession is probably humorous to you. A house is too permanent for these Wiggins's. Too committed. Not that we don't value commitment, just not commitment to such a temporary and binding object.
Second obsession, buying a new car. If you've seen my car you know it is tiny. My granddad so graciously bought it for me when I turned 18. Daphne was the perfect size for a college student but now mama needs more space. Oh and if you're wondering why her name is Daphne, that is the city in Alabama that she was purchased. Real creative, I know.
Next obsession, choosing a mission field. As many of you know, missions is the entire reason we came to seminary. Our desire is to take Christ's name to the nations. Our hearts long to be overseas preaching Christ's love. However, now is a time for learning and growing. As my precious husband says, "If we cannot spread the Gospel here, how can we expect to spread it there." What a wise, wise man. We are here not only to learn intellectually, but also to learn spiritually - to learn to love people and God so much that we can't help but to pour him out over every soul we encounter. Confession: I am FAR from that love.
All of these things can and should be used for God's glory, but they cannot be our obsession. A house without God is a pile of bricks. A mission trip without God is philanthropy. Nothing we do has any purpose without God.
We plan/hope to do most of that list, but as for right now, we (or at least I) need to direct my focus back to chasing after Christ. Bathing in his vast love and enjoying his salvation. I truly believe that once my eyes are properly fixed on him, all other question marks will be erased and blanks will be filled. I must refocus my obsession on the Creator and not on the created.
7.09.2013
Thankful for Tuesdays
This may be a semi-controversial post but I pray that my readers will know that I am writing from my heart and I mean no harm.
Today, I am thankful for breastfeeding. Yep, I just said "breast" on the blog.
I am thankful for breastfeeding for many reasons. Equally physical and emotional. While I {hope} everyone knows it is the most natural way to feed a baby, I wonder how many of you know the full benefits of breastfeeding.
Here are just a few of those benefits:
Today, I am thankful for breastfeeding. Yep, I just said "breast" on the blog.
I am thankful for breastfeeding for many reasons. Equally physical and emotional. While I {hope} everyone knows it is the most natural way to feed a baby, I wonder how many of you know the full benefits of breastfeeding.
Here are just a few of those benefits:
- Immunity - breast milk creates natural immunity everyday; however when/if mama ever gets sick, her body creates specific immunities in the milk and passes it along to baby.
- Flavors - whatever flavors are in food mama eats, baby gets a taste as well. This is a great way to create a good eater with expansive taste buds.
- Weight loss for mom - a breastfeeding mom expends energy just by feeding her baby. Also, an exclusively nursing mama is allotted 500 extra calories a day! Thats 200 more than when a woman is pregnant.
- Bonding between mom and baby - close eye contact (helpful when eye distance is developing), skin to skin --- need I say more?
- Sleep inducing for baby and mom - When oxytocin is released during the letdown, mom and baby both become sleepy, and sleep is oh so important.
When I was pregnant and discussing feeding options with Rob, there was no other option in our minds besides breastfeeding. Our first nursing session was one hour after Elijah was born. As awkward as I thought it might be, it was 10x more beautiful. He was such a pro.
9.5 months later, we are still breastfeeding and I am beyond thankful for this blessing. Throughout this process, Rob has been my biggest supporter and encourager. He has been just as pro-breastfeeding as I have been. He has even encouraged us to continue past one year if that is what E and I choose. A true blessing.
I know that breastfeeding is controversial because of the over-sexualization of the breasts, but also because of feelings of failure that some women may face by formula feeding. Readers, understand this: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE, BAD MOM, EVIL, etc IF YOU DO NOT BREASTFEED!!! You will still have a loving bond with your child!
I know that breastfeeding is controversial because of the over-sexualization of the breasts, but also because of feelings of failure that some women may face by formula feeding. Readers, understand this: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE, BAD MOM, EVIL, etc IF YOU DO NOT BREASTFEED!!! You will still have a loving bond with your child!
Moms who are still awaiting the arrival of your child, please do your research and consider giving your child this life-giving gift. There are many, many resources out there to help you. I will list a few at the bottom of this post. Atop the following resources, I pray that you will reach out to me or other breastfeeding moms if you have any questions. After all, that's what friends are for.
Just before our first nursing session
Nocturnal Nursing - Facebook group. You can either ask to join, or I can invite you.
6.24.2013
3 years of life, love, and learning
Happy THIRD anniversary to my incredible husband.
Reflecting on our relationship, I feel like we reallyhave are growing up together. We started dating in college when we were 19/20 and now we're 25 and we've already learned so much.
Some people think we're crazy for getting married and starting our family so early, but I don't think we could have made a better decision. There has not been a moment that we have regretted our marriage or child,even especially in the difficult times.
God has been so faithful to provide for us as he has. We are incredibly blessed.
Here's to many more years with the love of my life and the most wonderful man I know!
Reflecting on our relationship, I feel like we really
Some people think we're crazy for getting married and starting our family so early, but I don't think we could have made a better decision. There has not been a moment that we have regretted our marriage or child,
God has been so faithful to provide for us as he has. We are incredibly blessed.
Here's to many more years with the love of my life and the most wonderful man I know!
6.12.2013
The Joyous Mother
Perhaps it was the episode of "I'm having their baby" during nap time.
Or maybe God's grace is more abundant today.
Either way, today has been a good day for motherhood.
Admittedly, probably more times than not, motherhood is difficult. Often times I try to convince myself it will get easier when he turns one, two, three, etc. Many times we wander through our day as I watch the clock until Daddy gets home.
But today? Today was different.
We didn't have a plan (aside from the typical) but our interaction was intentional. Fun.
I didn't just love my baby, I enjoyed him. Something that, sadly, doesn't happen every day.
I wasn't only a hurdle to crawl over.
I was a story-teller, a tickle monster, a zerbert blower.
I wasn't only a safety patrol.
I was a kiss giver, a song singer, a patty-caker.
I wasn't only a parental presence.
I was an airplane, a participant, a friend.
Whatever IT was that made today so special, Ihope pray IT stays.
Or maybe God's grace is more abundant today.
Either way, today has been a good day for motherhood.
Admittedly, probably more times than not, motherhood is difficult. Often times I try to convince myself it will get easier when he turns one, two, three, etc. Many times we wander through our day as I watch the clock until Daddy gets home.
But today? Today was different.
We didn't have a plan (aside from the typical) but our interaction was intentional. Fun.
I didn't just love my baby, I enjoyed him. Something that, sadly, doesn't happen every day.
I wasn't only a hurdle to crawl over.
I was a story-teller, a tickle monster, a zerbert blower.
I wasn't only a safety patrol.
I was a kiss giver, a song singer, a patty-caker.
I wasn't only a parental presence.
I was an airplane, a participant, a friend.
Whatever IT was that made today so special, I
He [Yahweh] gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the Lord!
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the Lord!
Psalm 113:9
6.03.2013
What's Happenin?!
I would begin this post with the typical "time got away from me" apology, but I'm not really all that sorry. I've been balancing being a mommy during the day and a wife at night. Tonight, however, my super giving husband is helping some friends with moving errands while my nuglet sleeps, so I am alone to blog.
So many great things have happened since the last time I blogged. For one, I left my wonderful nannying job and became a full-time stay at home mommy! And what a blessing it has been. Looking back at my years of babysitting/nannying, I've come to realize that God was preparing me for this stage my whole life.
Some people might think that being a stay at home mom is a copout or that we're just lazy. To those people I say PSSSH! Whateva, Treva! Staying at home is wonderful and yes it can be relaxing, but it is a challenge as well. It is a challenge to not become complacent and live in your PJs. It's a challenge to turn off the TV, put down the iPhone, and play with your baby; especially when his "playing" consists of crawling in and out of your lap 30 times in 5 minutes. It's a challenge to keep the house clean and to fix dinner every night when honestly you just don't want to. You don't have a boss to give you expectations for your day, it is 100% up to you and that alone is a challenge.
Despite all the challenges and the days I just don't feel up to it, I am so blessed to be given this opportunity to be with my child all day, every day. No one knows him better, I know everything he does during the day, and I know exactly the kind of care he is getting everyday. Not knocking working moms, you are doing what you need to for your family and I applaud you. This is what is best for our family and I am beyond thankful for God's provisions.
When I left my job, I decided right then that I would not be that mom, the one who stays in her PJs, forgets when she showered last, and never leaves the house. We were going to get out and experience Ft. Worth. So we bought zoo passes, Elijah took swim lessons, and now we are involved in Stroller Strides - an interactive exercise program for moms and their babies/children. We are rarely sitting at home, and I am never in my PJs for more than an hour or two in the morning. In the fall, we will be going to MOPS at a church down the road. I'm looking forward to meeting more wonderful moms.
This year Rob decided to take the summer off of school and work full-time. Ironically enough, working 40+ hours a week has been a good break from the usual hustle and bustle of school+work. It has been so great to have him home when he's home and not reading books or writing papers. Elijah and I are lucky to have such a hard working man to take care of us.
As for Elijah, he is a growing, crawling, ball of energy. He is giggly, squeally, and happy! I have never felt so much pride in my life than watching his little world expand. He is such a wonderful baby. We are so blessed by this little creature and are happy to experience life with him.
To put it in simple terms, life for us is sweet. We are happy and satisfied. We are blessed and thankful. God is good, in the valley and on the mountain. Right now, we are really enjoying our mountain.
So many great things have happened since the last time I blogged. For one, I left my wonderful nannying job and became a full-time stay at home mommy! And what a blessing it has been. Looking back at my years of babysitting/nannying, I've come to realize that God was preparing me for this stage my whole life.
Some people might think that being a stay at home mom is a copout or that we're just lazy. To those people I say PSSSH! Whateva, Treva! Staying at home is wonderful and yes it can be relaxing, but it is a challenge as well. It is a challenge to not become complacent and live in your PJs. It's a challenge to turn off the TV, put down the iPhone, and play with your baby; especially when his "playing" consists of crawling in and out of your lap 30 times in 5 minutes. It's a challenge to keep the house clean and to fix dinner every night when honestly you just don't want to. You don't have a boss to give you expectations for your day, it is 100% up to you and that alone is a challenge.
Despite all the challenges and the days I just don't feel up to it, I am so blessed to be given this opportunity to be with my child all day, every day. No one knows him better, I know everything he does during the day, and I know exactly the kind of care he is getting everyday. Not knocking working moms, you are doing what you need to for your family and I applaud you. This is what is best for our family and I am beyond thankful for God's provisions.
When I left my job, I decided right then that I would not be that mom, the one who stays in her PJs, forgets when she showered last, and never leaves the house. We were going to get out and experience Ft. Worth. So we bought zoo passes, Elijah took swim lessons, and now we are involved in Stroller Strides - an interactive exercise program for moms and their babies/children. We are rarely sitting at home, and I am never in my PJs for more than an hour or two in the morning. In the fall, we will be going to MOPS at a church down the road. I'm looking forward to meeting more wonderful moms.
This year Rob decided to take the summer off of school and work full-time. Ironically enough, working 40+ hours a week has been a good break from the usual hustle and bustle of school+work. It has been so great to have him home when he's home and not reading books or writing papers. Elijah and I are lucky to have such a hard working man to take care of us.
As for Elijah, he is a growing, crawling, ball of energy. He is giggly, squeally, and happy! I have never felt so much pride in my life than watching his little world expand. He is such a wonderful baby. We are so blessed by this little creature and are happy to experience life with him.
To put it in simple terms, life for us is sweet. We are happy and satisfied. We are blessed and thankful. God is good, in the valley and on the mountain. Right now, we are really enjoying our mountain.
3.11.2013
HE'S HERE...and has been for 5 1/2 months...
On September 14, We were hosting an event for our apartment community when I started having contractions. They started off not that big of a deal and were very far apart. Only a few hours later, my contractions were 3-5 min apart, still not super painful, but we went to the hospital anyway because they were 3-5 min apart. When the nurse checked me, I had not dilated a single cm. She strapped the monitor around my belly, I laid in the bed, and suddenly the contractions stopped. So, we left the hospital.
On September 20th, Rob and I went to my OBGYN's office for (hopefully) our final appointment before meeting our precious baby boy. At that point I was only dilated 2 cm and 75% effaced. My doctor did what's called "sweeping membranes" in hopes of sparking uterine cramping that could turn into contractions and essentially put me into labor.
Almost immediately from the membrane sweeping, I began cramping. Few hours later, I was contracting. Around lunch time, I met a friend at the mall to walk around. My contractions lasted an hour or two of our time at the mall. Once I got home, however, they stopped. I decided to try and get some rest because I knew in my heart, the day I had been longing for was coming SOON. And boy, was I right.
At 5:30 pm on September 20th, my contractions started up again and they didn't stop. We had planned to stay home as long as we possibly could so that I could drink water when I wanted to and try to eat because once at the hospital, it was nothing more than ice chips and mints. We decided to go to the hospital at midnight. When we got there, I was 3 cm dilated but I needed to be 4 cm before the hospital would admit me. Our nurse told us to walk around a few minutes and in an hour she would check me again. When she came back, I was dilated to a four. So, by 1 am, I as admitted to the hospital.
This was it! He was coming! We were thrilled and I was in PAIN!
One detail I left out above that is very important to how the labor process went for me. Elijah was posterior. What does that mean? He was face up, putting his skull right into my pelvis. Ouch! For those of you who have never been pregnant, a posterior baby and a skull into your pelvis gives you TERRIBLE back labor; meaning there is pretty much no comfortable position to get in to help you deal with the pain. Sitting was not an option and laying down made me want to die. Because I couldn't sit down, I had to stand the entire time. If you do the math and add up the beginning of my serious contractions, it was 16.5 hours of labor (approximately 5-6 of those hours I had to be on my feet).
My original birth plan was to go through the entire process without an epidural. By 4 am, I was dilated 8 cm and my legs were completely numb. After discussing with my nurse and Rob, I decided to get the epidural. It was the only way I could have enough strength for the finale. Getting the epidural was TOUGH! For those of you who don't know, you can't move AT ALL when receiving it! By that point my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and felt like Elijah was going to bust through my skin. In order to keep myself still, I had to hunch over and bite the pillow in front of me.
God bless whoever it was the invented the epidural. As soon as it took effect (around 3 min), I was a whole new person. Mrs. Conversationalist! Rob and I were able to get some rest, which was more than necessary.
A few hours later, the nursing shift changed. When our new nurse came in to introduce herself and check on us. She mentioned that his heart rate was lowering with the contractions, which was not normal but apparently we were supposed to already know this was happening. We did not. She brought in the doctor to look at it. Once he was in there, he explained that this was very problematic and might result a caesarean. We immediately broke down in tears.
C-section? That was the absolute last thing we wanted to experience.
The doctor gave us a few options to try in hopes that it would help his heart rate. For most of my time in the bed, I had been either propped up laying straight back or laying on my left side (which, supposedly, is better/easier on baby). Dr. Carrington suggested that I try laying on my right side with my legs propped and pulled close to me. They continued to monitor his heart and we began
As we expected, God was faithful. After hours of monitoring and praying, the Dr. approved going ahead with a vaginal delivery.
Around 8 am, things got serious again. Somewhere around that time, the doctor came in to check out to see how things were coming along. Between 4 am and 8 am, I had only dilated to 9 cm but Elijah was still pretty high in my pelvis. The doctor told all of his nurses that it was probably going to be several more hours before I was ready to push and that he would call them when it was time.
At 9 am, Dr. Carrington came back to check on me again and I was telling him that I was ready to push. I was dilated to a 10 and he was finally starting to come down, but still had a little ways more to go. The doctor called all of his nurses and told them to go ahead and start prepping and at 9:30 we were going to start pushing. When 9:30 rolled around the doctor and all of his nurses came into the room and began preparing for the birth of my son. It felt like they were getting ready in slow motion. I mean really, could y'all get ready any slower?
At that moment, Mama Bear reared her ugly head for the first time in my life. I began telling, nay, demanding that they allow me to push! I was 20 minutes shy of getting Rob in position and pushing without them.
I started pushing around 9:35/9:40. If anyone ever tells you that the pushing is the worst part, they are out of their mind. There was nothing I wanted to do more than to push at that point.
This time Mama Bear was welcomed in that room because at 10:29 am, on Friday, September 21, 2012, I heard the sweetest sound, my son announcing his presence in the world. To describe this moment in words would be pointless because you will never understand until you experience it yourself. Thankfully, my best friend, Aliciana, was able to come that morning and take pictures of Elijah's first moments of life.
Because I cannot find the words to put into writing, I will allow this picture to explain the overwhelming emotions that I experienced in that moment.
Love at first sight
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