I had no idea how much God was going to teach us by allowing us to walk through this valley of fear, not knowing what was happening to my body and what was going to happen to our baby.
Through my questioning, worrying, and wondering, The Lord brought me peace. He brought me to a place where my fear met with his greatness; where the unknown met with his sovereignty. I had to face the ugliness of my doubt and decide whether or not I believed that God was all that He said he was. If I lost this child, would I still call him good? Would I still believed that he cared?
I don't know what it is like to lose a child but I know what it is like to believe you will. For so many this story doesn't end with a baby. For so many the bleeding continues and doesn't stop until the heart inside quits beating. For so many the day of remembering is not met with wide eyes and fuzzy hair. For you my heart aches. With you I grieve for your loss, your suffering, and your doubt. I will not turn a deaf ear to your cries or a blind eye to your tears. Your mourning is worth acknowledging. Your grief is worth joining.
My eyes flood with hot tears as I reflect on the day when I thought my world was crumbling. I am humbled that I stand on the other side with a squawking, giggling, healthy baby girl. I am blessed and I am lucky.
God is faithful. Even if the ending had been different, God is faithful. We will never know why he chooses to spare some and not others, we're not meant to understand. There is no rhyme or reason to those circumstances. All we do is trust that He is sovereign and believe that He will be the same through it all.
"Tho Satan should buffet, tho trials should come, lest this blest assurance control, that Christ hath regarded my helpless estate and hath shed his own blood for my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul."
