Have you commanded the morning since your days began and caused the dawn to know its place?

You know when you're feeling down and someone randomly asks if everything is alright causing you to burst into tears? Well, that happened to me last night, sort of.

I was in a weird mood and wanted a change to Rob's and my evening routine, which typically consists of a show or movie. What I truly wanted was Rob's attention - specifically, his encouragement. So, We turned off the TV and started talking. Then Rob said one encouraging thing, not knowing what was going on, and invited a flood of tears to rush out. With that, I confessed what was really bothering me.


Since giving birth, my number one struggle has been comparison. I compare everything these days. My body. Date nights. My child's weight, height, abilities, temperament, and, yes, even nap schedule. You name it, I compare it. {Sorry}

My precious child is 10.5 months old and the only word he says is "da-da"and as of yesterday he signs "more". He babbles like crazy, but no other words. According to Facebook, he is behind. According to the enemy in my ear, I am a failure.


Those of you who know me know that I have zero problem with social media. I love it. I have Facebook, Instagram, and obviously this blog (no twitter, because my life isn't that exciting) and I visit them regularly. However, social media feeds my comparison monster.


Every time I read on Facebook about another child his age (or younger) who's saying 5+ words, I feel a sharp jab in my heart. How are these babies saying "puppy", "bite", etc. and mine is crawling around on repeat? And yes, I know he's a boy and boys talk later, blah, blah, blah -- Unfortunately, most of these kids are boys!

It's always annoying to me that once one little insecurity pops up, it seems to invite a whole new slew of shortcomings and failures.

I don't work. My one job is to teach my son, help him flourish, explore, and grow into a self-sufficient, {speaking} young man. If I can't succeed at being a stay-at-home mom, what can I do? Because of course, being a stay-at-home mom is the lowest of occupations.


When I was finished crying and whining about my insecurities, Rob recanted how meaningful it was for him to grow up with a stay-at-home mom. 25-years-old and he is still positively affected by his mom doing daily life with him as a child. He reminded me the importance of me staying home and expressed his gratefulness for what I do. He also reminded me that, while I do need to challenge E's mind, his developmental timeline is 100% in God's sovereign hands.

Later, we read Job 38-42 together. Wow, what a humbling reminder of how tiny we are and how mighty our God is! I immediately felt repentant for doubting God's plan for my child and for questioning His calling on my life as a mother.

It's times like these, when I'm feeling weighted down and worthless, that I am thankful for a husband with a wealth of Godly knowledge who can bring me back to the Cross.

"Comparison is the thief of joy" 

-Theodore Roosevelt