10.28.2015

But a Mist || Thoughts on Aging and A Charge to Care for the Elderly

As we pulled onto our street, I was met by an elderly man driving his electric wheelchair in the middle of the road. After my initial annoyance of "Why can't he drive on the sidewalk" wore off, I decided to check on him once we pulled into the driveway. 

I got out of my car and was greeted by the sweetest man. I asked him if he needed any help (water, a snack, me to call someone, etc). He told me no, that he lives with his son on the next street over and was moseying through the neighborhood, thinking about his wife. She'd passed away a few months ago and he has been missing her, although he says he knows he will see her again.

After assuring me that he was fine and repeatedly thanking me for checking on him, he scooted along on his way, enjoying the cool breeze and a Reese's peanut butter cup. I pulled in the garage, unloaded the kids, and we went inside. The full weight of this encounter struck me as I sat down to nurse Nora, as uncontrollable tears streamed down my face. 

It is so easy to get caught up in the monotony of today that I often forget life as I know it will not last forever. 
With littles surrounding my day, needing diaper changes, clean underwear, and endless snacks (so many snacks), it is incredibly easy to get wrapped up in the whirlwind of this moment when their livelihood depends on me. I forget so easily that there will be a day when these little babies grow into fully capable adults and move out of my house to find their place in this world. My job, in the now, is not to simply survive until the next moment. It is to thrive in every moment with joy and peace, thanking God for the gift of each new second I'm given.

And let's talk about the man responsible for giving me these precious babies. How many moments have drifted by me without a single ounce of gratefulness for his hard work or his selflessness? Way more than I'd like to admit. Many drowsy mornings, nursing a newborn, where I didn't even get off my behind to send him off to work with a smile. While I know that we all eventually lose someone we love, my husband is not usually one who falls into that "Future Loss" category. That place is typically reserved for grandparents and maybe parents. Realistically, though, our goodbye kiss this morning easily could have been our last. As grim a thought as that is, we simply do not know the hour we will be sent Home. 

Among these revelations from the brief interaction, was one I didn't expect. I do not appreciate my physical abilities like I should. There will, inevitably, be a day when my body is so worn out that I will no longer have the

luxury of relying on it. There will be a day when I will be reduced to a walker, cain, or even wheelchair - if I'm lucky. There may very well be a day when those little humans, I helped raise, will be changing my clothes or feeding me. While there are many days when this sounds ah-mazing, I cannot imagine the disappointment of such helplessness. There has ne'er been a burpee I enjoyed or a plank I wanted to repeat, but, have mercy, am I ever the more thankful that I can do one, if I so choose. 

I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the elderly. They seem so overlooked by our society but, man, they have such wisdom and insight to offer us, if we are willing to take a moment and listen. Next time you see an older person, don't let their frailty overwhelm you; be the neighbor you hope to have when you are one day in their orthotic shoes, because, friend, as much as we choose to avoid the thought, it will, indeed, happen to each of us. 

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." James 1:27

7.14.2015

Remembering and Rejoicing

It was almost a year ago to the day that I woke up from an afternoon nap to use the bathroom and found blood in the toilet bowl. When you're 12 weeks pregnant, this is your biggest nightmare. My heart shattered. I knew I was losing this precious life that had been growing inside of me for almost 3 months. Fear, anxiety, anger, brokenness flooded my entire body. How could God let this happen to me? I had been healthy, eating right, exercising, taking organic prenatal vitamins -- going above and beyond what I did with my first pregnancy.

I had no idea how much God was going to teach us by allowing us to walk through this valley of fear, not knowing what was happening to my body and what was going to happen to our baby.

Through my questioning, worrying, and wondering, The Lord brought me peace. He brought me to a place where my fear met with his greatness; where the unknown met with his sovereignty. I had to face the ugliness of my doubt and decide whether or not I believed that God was all that He said he was. If I lost this child, would I still call him good? Would I still believed that he cared?

I don't know what it is like to lose a child but I know what it is like to believe you will. For so many this story doesn't end with a baby. For so many the bleeding continues and doesn't stop until the heart inside quits beating. For so many the day of remembering is not met with wide eyes and fuzzy hair. For you my heart aches. With you I grieve for your loss, your suffering, and your doubt. I will not turn a deaf ear to your cries or a blind eye to your tears. Your mourning is worth acknowledging. Your grief is worth joining.

My eyes flood with hot tears as I reflect on the day when I thought my world was crumbling. I am humbled that I stand on the other side with a squawking, giggling, healthy baby girl. I am blessed and I am lucky.

God is faithful. Even if the ending had been different, God is faithful. We will never know why he chooses to spare some and not others, we're not meant to understand. There is no rhyme or reason to those circumstances. All we do is trust that He is sovereign and believe that He will be the same through it all.

"Tho Satan should buffet, tho trials should come, lest this blest assurance control, that Christ hath regarded my helpless estate and hath shed his own blood for my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul." 

6.21.2015

To the Man Who is More…..

"Together we forge the throes of parenthood, rarely with ease but always with support. Time and again you have my back and that is what makes us great team"

Check out my debut post on the Fort Worth Moms Blog honoring all the dads who do it all! Check it out and maybe share it if you love it. Thanks for following and boosting my ego ;)

Much love, 
 Cate!!